books:

	• Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish Collins Living, 1998 - 272 pages average customer review:based on 72 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

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The basics on raising more than one

This is a very simple book that gives good tips on what to do to stop your kids from fighting so much. It's weakness is that it assumes kids fight over the same simple things, such as sharing toys. You can use the ideas and modify them to suit other situations. I'd also suggest How to Talk and a book titled Perfect Parenting to expand the situations and apply the concepts to all different aspects of raising your children.


In Need of a Peace Treaty For Your Siblings?

Are you tired of your children fighting over everything big or small? Are your nerves frayed at their ends? Are you spending too much time setteling your childrens' agruments? This excellent book teaches parents all these different techniques to help children help themselves solve their sibling problems without violence and parental intervention.
When investigating the problem of sibling rivalry, the culprit and the root of the problem comes from parents' attitudes toward their children. Are you a parent that has labeled your children? Sometimes parents attach a label to their children without realising it and the consequences are creating excesive pressure on the children to play a certain roll that they have no desire to but continue to act it out in order not to hurt the parent.
Children want to be heard and adults must first learn to listen and acknowledge the childrens' feelings. When children are mad or angry, it is important that we help the describe what they are feeling and let them know that it is alright to be mad, sad, angry or disappointed, however it is not acceptable to hurt the person with whom they are having conflict. The whole idea of this solution sounds like it was concieved in some fairy tale but it works about 90 percent of the time to reduce the tension between the fighting children in our family. After the tensions have subsided between the siblings, the parents suggest the children find a solution to their problem and they actually come up with some creative things.
The authors have integrated numerous real live scenarios they have encountered from parents who have participated in their seminars over several years.
Two years ago I purchased a book from the same authors, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk" which brought a lot of peace and sanity between parents and children. As our family expanded, the conflicts and bickingering between siblings started to increase and with the help of this book they are now on the decline.
An excellent book that all parents should read.

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This book has made such a positive difference in my life!

I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!

Psychologists caution against casting children in specific roles: the quiet one, athletic one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. Sibling rivalry is a competition for the affection and attention of their parents. Two best known Bible stories deal with bitter feuds between brothers-The Cain and Abel and the rivalry of Joseph and hisbrothers.Even in fairy tales - in 112 of the Grimm's' fairy tales, it is found that the youngest child came out a winner in battles with everything from evil gnomes to jealous siblings 92 percent of the times.

Psychologists authors of `Siblings without Rivalry' suggest that instead of thinking of equality in everything from parental attention to music lessons, parents should be sensitive to each child's individual needs.Self esteem of a child plays a major role. Comparisons should be avoided as each child is born with a difference. The authors have very valuable tips telling parents to adopt various methods and outcome with cartoons illustrating key points. The book reflects on the inner instincts of kids like jealousy and selfishness. Parents need to be aware of their attitude which become homegrown sibling rivalry. Communication is also important part that a parent miss out and impatiently tackles the sibling rivalry which only worsens things. Demonstrating love is very important and telling the child that he is so special. "I enjoy your friendship' or `I can always count on your support' or `You make me feents with + 2 & above kids.

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reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, page 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

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