Somewhat helpful | Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs

Read with a Grain of Salt Held Firmly in Hand | Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs | Maxine C. Aston

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	• Aspergers in Love: Couple Relationships and Family Affairs Maxine C. Aston Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2003 - 224 pages average customer review:based on 12 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Solid in its treatment of this difficult area.

This book was first published in 2003, a time when Asperger syndrome and relationships was still emerging as a psychological issue. Four years on and it stands up in both the strength of it having been written from sound research and its no nonsense approach to both sides. Too often there is a bias towards either the Asperger (AS) partner or the nuero-typical (NT) partner. As far as I am aware it is the only book written about AS/NT relationships based on extensive research and real life experience of such relationships.

Maxine Aston pulls no punches being as rigorous to both sides in her criticism or praise. Ms. Aston maintains an attitude, throughout the book, that AS/NT relationships can and do work. This attitude obviously comes from her years working with such relationships and the extensive research gathered from people who are, or have been, in such a relationship.

Ms. Aston is not starry eyed about the prospects of success; she stresses the importance of acknowledgement, by both partners, of how Asperger syndrome affects emotional reciprocity; she does not offer a magical solution but does offer sound, practical, advice for those who really want their relationship to work.

This book is about the practicalities of being in an AS/NT relationship and how, with the right mechanisms in place, there is a way forward.

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Somewhat helpful

I was really looking for a book that was directed toward helping an adult with Asperger's navigate through romantic relationships. This book was more focused on helping the neurotypical understand an Aspie mate. I think it was helpful for those readers in the latter category, but not really what I was looking for.

Read with a Grain of Salt Held Firmly in Hand

I am an adult female with Asperger's Syndrome. When my relationship started demonstrating obvious issues with communication, I wanted to get a good idea of how the Asperger's Syndrome might be affecting it. This book was recommended, so I picked it up. On the positive, the book is packed with information and ideas on where a relationship might break down. As other reviews have said, it IS thought provoking and insightful.

However, that said, I was actually quite disappointed with the book. The book is not critical of the AS individual but the tone of the writing stops just shy of that and most of all, this book doesn't seem applicable at all to a relationship between an AS female and anyone NT or otherwise.

There is a tone that NT people sometimes take when referring to the behavior of a person with AS. It's a mixture of the condescending 'poor AS person, they don't know how to feel properly' and a bit of clinical detachment. I was dismayed to find the author writing with that tone. So while the NT reading it might feel like they've found a source that gives voice to what they are experiencing, it (ironically) does little to foster actual empathy with the AS person and their actions. As a woman with AS, who was looking for valuable input, I was really put off by it.

I made it through most of the book with a really puzzled look on my face looking for that one paragraph that would make me able to relate - REALLY relate to the AS traits she describes. And then I got to the ONE chapter about AS Women in the back of the book - and EUREKA! I was able to relate to this chapter! At the beginning of this chapter about AS Women, there is a tiny explanation about how writing the book using the words 'AS Male' simply made the book more comprehensible. But really? Because I could relate to so much of that one chapter and so little of the rest of the book, I wonder, truly, how much of the rest of the book even applies to a majority of women with AS. And while, perhaps AS women just wasn't the focus of the book, it's billed as a book about being in a relationship with AS individuals in general - and it's not. It's actually a book about relationships between an AS Male and an NT Female with a footnote about AS Women.

PS : Asperger's has an apostrophe in it... a possessive noun in order to denote the person who is credited with first studying the syndrome. For an author who is credited as being 'uniquely placed to write this book', you'd think the title of the book would be spelled correctly.

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Best book I've found on AS yet

Having been diagnosed with AS I have been reading many books on the subject. I found this one the best so far. My wife also found the book beneficial and it has helped us to understand why we see things differently in some situations and how this impacts on our interactions.

Asperger Syndrome (AS) has often been considered to be incompatible with love and relationships, but as the number of diagnoses increases, it is becoming apparent that people with AS can and do have full and intimate relationships. Maxine Aston frankly examines the fundamental aspects of relationships that are often complicated by the disorder. Illustrated with real-life examples, the book tackles issues such as attraction, trust, communication, intimacy and parenting and includes a section on frequently asked questions, making it a must for all those with AS and their partners, as well as for friends, family and counselors.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3

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