Brilliant memoir - why aren't books like this on Oprah? | Father's Touch

'Suffer little children, to come unto me.....' | Father's Touch | Donald D'Haene

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	• Father's Touch Donald D'Haene Amer Book Pub, 2002 - 340 pages average customer review:based on 53 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Brilliant memoir - why aren't books like this on Oprah?

Too bad James Fry lied to Oprah. Memoirs are important and she is moving away from promoting them. Father's Touch is both a well-told story and educational at the same time. A must read for those interested in understanding the mind of a pedophile, as the author quotes from his molester/father's writings. This book shows the manipulative skill of molesters as well as the resilience of survivors in challenging the misconceptions of friends and family. I wonder why the victims must always have to answer why they are this way, why they made the choices they did. I am not a victim but I hope one day molesters undergo the amount of therapy that victims no doubt need to survive. Father's Touch is a one-of-a-kind memoir. Read it!

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Brilliant memoir - why aren't books like this on Oprah?

That last reviewer must not understand the concept of a memoir or is prejudiced. You write the story of your life the way you see it not the way someone else thinks you should. The author is this case tells how the molester manipulates his victims into thinking they are to blame, that it is a "game". That's why it could go on so long. Of course, he thinks it was and is horrific as does the reader. In fact, I'd venture to say, more horrific because you have a glimpse into the mind of a pedophile as the author uses his molester/father's writings. I haven't been abused but I've never read a better book that takes me there - the last taboo - that unfortunately too many children experience. Father's Touch is a must read! Where are you Oprah? James Fry lied but there are true stories that need to be told!

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'Suffer little children, to come unto me.....'

Anyone who has regard for the future can only view the destruction of a child's innocence as one of the most heinous crimes in the human lexicon of brutality. When this occurs in the family home and is perpetrated by a parent with an obvious duty of care, the betrayal and it's consequences are immeasurable.
Daniel and Jeannette D'Haene emigrated to Canada from Belgium in 1957 where they settled in a rural area and had four children. Ronny the eldest was followed by Donald, the author of this book, then Marina and Erik in turn. On arrival in Canada both Daniel and Jeannette were Roman Catholics, she more devout than he. Daniel felt constrained by a diktat by the church in Belgium the faithful should not read the 'Bible' which would confuse them. This must be peculiar to the clergy at that time and place, since the same was not true then in UK. Daniel was attracted by the Jehovah Witnesses who actively encouraged religious study and became a pillar of the local community group. Eventually he persuaded his wife with a mixture of rhetoric and beatings she should change her faith too.
Whatever the expectations and demands of the Witnesses, Daniel believed in his own home he was the master, and his wife and children, his property. They were expected to be obedient to every whim and caprice. At the age of four Donald was introduced to 'The Game'. This involved masturbating his father and was merely the beginning of ten years of prolonged abuse, during which more serious assaults occurred. In time the children would pool their knowledge and learn each of them were initiates in 'The Game'. Daniel informed his elder sons he would expect them when they were older to perform incestuously with their sister, after he finished with her. Each child was intimidated into silence and their innocence of moral certitudes exploited. When they learned what was happening to them was wrong, their father foisted the illusion of mutual culpability upon them. It was only when Erik, aged five, told his mother what his father had insisted on doing she became aware of the abuse. Daniel promised to get help, but continued molesting his children.
In 1973 Jeanette and her children approached the Elders of the Witnesses to gain protection for themselves. Their reaction was to 'excommunicate' Daniel without telling his family he had also confessed to bestiality. When the situation at home deteriorated still further, Ronny and Donald persuaded their mother to leave with all the children. Daniel, meanwhile, joined the Baptists and after a divorce, remarried and once again became a pillar of his community.
Without exception all four children suffered immense psychological damage. Ronny, temporarily became a 'control freak' like his father and left home before worse effects would be felt. Donald, by chance, reading a newspaper article discovered his father had actually committed a crime for which he could be charged. By then, at least thirty people in authority, knew the family's story and none had advised them of their legal position or alternatively to seek legal advice. Finally getting this from a policeman from Ontario, Donald instigated criminal proceedings against Daniel and obtained therapy for himself, Marina and Erik.
When Daniel came to trial, it was a complete travesty informed by incompetence, ignorance and plea-bargaining. He was sent down for two years in a reformatory, having sentenced his family to years of miserable flashbacks and psychological trauma. The severity of damage is evidenced in that it took twenty years before Donald could face his memories and write this detailed account of his childhood. To many fellow victims it will appear to be classical in the methods used by Daniel to control his family and the secrecy and shame they endured. It also highlights the confusion of sexual identity which often results exacerbated by the normal raging hormones of adolescence.
There is very little literature on the subject of father/son sexual abuse which is still for some a taboo subject. This well written and fluent book should be required reading for all engaged in the protection of children and the victims of today. These may care to know Donald more than survived his past and is today a successful art journalist, actor and TV presenter. Lawyers should also view the last chapters of the book as a textbook summary of how not to prosecute a case and judges can gain a refresher course on what poor administrative services can do to 'justice'. In this instance, Donald and his family were the victims of secondary rape by the very system which allegedly should have redressed their wrongs and protected them.
Although this matter came to trial in the early 1980's in Canada, whilst there is a better understanding of the evils of sexual abuse today, there are still errors of judgement by social workers and laxity in prosecution on both sides of the Atlantic.
Finally, the author should be commended for his courage in writing this book. To discuss the unspeakable acts committed by a parent and expose the induced guilt and shame created with undoubted finesse is a triumph of talent and the will over adversity.

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Compelling from beginning to end

I just finished the complimentary ("Thanks!") copy of your book, and I must say I've never read anything as disturbing and frightening as "Father's Touch." I cannot relate; I'm a son and a father, but your background is one I could not even begin to imagine.

What strength, courage and bloody guts you displayed from a very early age. Having to deal with an abusive father, a manipulative Church, a school full of peers teasing and laughing at you; I think you showed in your book - whether intentionally or not - that you were infinitely stronger than you believed you were.

The book was compelling from beginning to end, a real page-turner. As someone who has not experienced any form of abuse, or been seen as "different" in any way, you must think I read your story with the same fascination as a bystander at a horrible traffic accident trying to see the dead bodies. Perhaps there's some truth to that. But your writing style was crisp, fast-paced and often humourous, and (like all great story-tellers do) I appreciated being transported into different worlds I was - am - completely unfamiliar with.

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Opening on a drive back to his boyhood memories, author Donald D'Haene recounts how dysfunction smothered his mother and her children. We're taken through the rooms of the D'Haene's Jehovah's Witness household and across the years as the children become pawns of a cunning and deceitful presence using ignorance and faith as his allies. Father?s Touch maps the breadth and depth of a father's perversion, his children's rebellion, the public revelation, and the family's struggle for acceptance and self-esteem. The author has included court transcripts plus comments from a father unfit. Here's a pedophile using faith to subject his children to years of abuse. The therapy, the police, the courts all play their roles for good or ill.

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