It takes a village, and a council | The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be...

One Man's Story | The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me | Bruce Feiler

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	• The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me Bruce Feiler William Morrow, 2010 - 256 pages average customer review:based on 25 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Council of Dads

I finished this book in 3 days. I'm ready to move to Savannah right now or better yet visit the Bonaventure Cemetery. His imagery always puts you right there with him as he goes through his daily life, just walking down the street you feel for him. I will go back to read his advice for all of us to carry as we go through life. Being the father of 3 adult girls, it will always resonate with me on parenting,friendship, love and marriage. In honor of his fight when I finished the book, I took a walk for Bruce.

It takes a village, and a council

You're the father of 3-year-old twin daughters, a best-selling author whose work is so good, so important that PBS turned one of your books into a documentary series, but here's the doctor telling you that you have bone cancer that likely will kill you. What do you do?

Most likely, you and your wife cry, and pray, and seek the best medical care you can find.

Bruce Feiler and his wife did all that, but Feiler also did something else. He organized a group of friends, a team of men, a council of dads to stand ready to teach Feiler's daughters what he might not be here to teach them himself.

Feiler also did something else, something that writers must do: he wrote about it. He wrote about the men, what they had taught him, and would teach his daughters, and about other men- his father and grandfathers and mentors - and what they had taught him. He wrote it all into The Council of Dads: My Daughters, My Illness, and the Men Who Could Be Me.

I bought the book in part because I like Feiler's writing. I've read at least three of his previous books and gave another - Under the Big Top: A Season with the Circus - to my son, who, like Feiler, at one point in his life didn't exactly run away from home but did leave for a time, moving his things into a small compartment on the circus train and riding the rails out of town with the "greatest show on Earth."

My son and I both learned things from that experience. In Dads, Feiler writes about the things he has learned, and about the lessons he wants to daughters to learn: How to see, how to dream, how to think, how to travel, how to remember, and, yes, how to live.

And there are other lessons, including Feiler's father's encouragement to his children as young adults to allow themselves to do more than simply dream:

"Take a year. Give it a try. When you're fifty years old, you will have spent two percent of your life trying to make your dream come true. And when you look back, I think you'll realize it was a good two percent."

And then there are the lessons Feiler learned from the experience of his illness, lessons about being someone's child and someone else's parent, about embracing the monster, about walking with a turtle, and why we should "always learn to juggle on the side of a hill."

I am not going to explain hillside juggling or turtle walking because I really want you to buy the book and read and learn for yourself - and, yes, for your children.

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One Man's Story

After reading the synopsis of this book -- a father learns he has cancer and creates/chooses a "council of dads" to be there for his daughters if he should succumb to the illness -- I was really intrigued to read this book. Being the father of a two year old, this scenario is definitely one of those recurring scary thoughts you have more often than you would like, and even seem to keep you from falling asleep on some nights. I was interested to learn how he handled finding out about his illness, the impact it had on his relationship with his wife & kids, and the process/reasoning that went into choosing these men that he would ask to be there for his daughters at various points of their life for guidance.

This is a very brave story, completely engrossing and gripping at times. It sounds like Bruce Feiler has a very loving relationship with his two young dauthers and his wife, and faced with cancer, he re-examines his own family's history, reflects on his life and the friendships with the six men he will approach to comprise his "council," and thoughtfully thinks about what his daughters will need from a father throughout their life (whether it's advice, guidance, moral support, life philosophies, etc.). The work culminates in a moving letter Feiler writes to his daughters to read later in life about the experience.

The one issue I did have with the book that always seemed to keep me at a distance from the author's story is that as grateful and appreciative as Feiler comes off for the support of his friends, family, and colleagues during his tremendous struggle through chemotherapy and rehabilitation, he never really discusses or even mentions how because of his fame/means (don't get me wrong, both fully deserved due to the work that he has done), he has an advantage over many parents in the world that are struggling with cancer and are either not in as good as financial shape or do not possess the means/proximity to have, as Feiler calls his NYC doctor, "America's leading orthopedic surgeon" treating them. It wasn't that I felt he had to go into great detail about these particular advantages to his illness - but a few sentences indicating this awareness would've been very welcomed in my opinion. And these sentences just never come. Does he feel this way? I'm sure he does. But in a book from an author who has travelled the world and whose closest friends seem to be journalists, editors, and an NBC newsman who has "went on a few dates with a writer" from "Sex & The City," it might've been welcome to many readers who live more humble lives to have Feiler point out that his cancer experience was perhaps a lot different than many others that suffer with the disease go through. Not a whole dissertation was necessary--just a few words would've been fine.

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Decent, but didn't stick with me

It's been a while since my copy arrived, and perhaps if I'd had the time to write my review earlier, I'd have more to say. But I often find it interesting to see if a book sticks with me after a number of months. Some books are good reads but forgettable and some are good reads and memorable. (And many, many books are poor reads to begin with.) This one was decent. It was well told, the story is good, and the concept, while probably not groundbreaking, is a good one. But do I want to go back and read it? Would I recommend it? Probably not. If I were a father myself, perhaps things would be different.

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Make Every Day Count

A cleverly written account of one Dad facing the possibility that his kids will grow up without him. The key message is to build and hold onto dear friends throughout life, as they may have to step in in your stead to carry on your legacy.

Bestselling author Bruce Feiler was a young father when he was diagnosed with cancer. He instantly worried what his daughters' lives would be like without him. "Would they wonder who I was? Would they wonder what I thought? Would they yearn for my approval, my love, my voice?"

Three days later he came up with a stirring idea of how he might give them that voice. He would reach out to six men from all the passages in his life, and ask them to be present in the passages in his daughters' lives. And he would call this group "The Council of Dads."

"I believe my daughters will have plenty of opportunities in their lives," he wrote to these men. "They'll have loving families. They'll have each other. But they may not have me. They may not have their dad. Will you help be their dad?"

The Council of Dads is the inspiring story of what happened next. Feiler introduces the men in his Council and captures the life lesson he wants each to convey to his daughters--how to see, how to travel, how to question, how to dream. He mixes these with an intimate, highly personal chronicle of his experience battling cancer while raising young children, along with vivid portraits of his father, his two grandfathers, and various father figures in his life that explore the changing role of fathers in America.

This is the work of a master storyteller confronting the most difficult experience of his life and emerging with wisdom and hope. The Council of Dads is a touching, funny, and ultimately deeply moving book on how to live life, how the human spirit can respond to adversity, and how to deepen and cherish the friendships that enrich our lives.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

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