Finally, the answer I was looking for | The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way...

Jenia Mundo, R.N. | The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family | Eleanor Payson

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	• The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family Eleanor Payson Julian Day Publications, 2002 - 187 pages average customer review:based on 66 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Now it all makes sense

After I finally ended a 20 year relationship with a man that I referred to as" the most self centered human on earth", I still struggled with the lesson I was to learn from it all and still had a fog about what I had experienced. A friend turned me on to this book and BINGO! all the pieces fell into place for me. I was unaware that being a narcissist was an actual personality disorder and that these people were overt or covert about it. I want to shout from the roof tops...Free at last, I'm free at last. No kidding, I am finally at peace with it all. What an education this book has given me. Most importantly, that you cannot change them. You either leave, yes thank you or stay and fight for an identity. She explained everything I had been feeling for so many years. Exactly how a narcissist treats you like an extension of themselves, a tool, arm, etc. How you become convinced that eventually you will get your day in the sun and all the kudos you have coming. That day NEVER comes and eventually you realize your soul is going to be sucked right out of yourself. Leaving is the answer. I can't imagine staying for "the kids", as they would grow up with a narcissistic parent and that would be unfair to them and cause more damage than a divorce would. Fabulous, Fabulous Book, must read.
She offers examples of co-workers, parents, spouses as well as a professional relationship or a work for hire. How to spot them and how to deal with them. This book was the sparkler on the cake for me in putting that part of my life in a box and on a shelf marked finished & complete.

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Finally, the answer I was looking for

If I could give this book another star, I would! I have read so many books on abusive relationships and personality disorders that you could say that I needed to get a life. I was married 15 years to an emotional/verbal/financhial abuser that was turning physical. I also have 4 children with him. I was despirately looking for answers to what I was experiencing and needed validation for the abuse that my publically charming hubby was never showing anyone but his family and those closest to him. Psychologists...marriage counselors...friends...family you name it, he fooled them all. They all loved him! By the time I left this man, I was almost insane and was diagnosed with Severe Post Trauma and Battered Wife Syndrome. Worst still, our children were begging me to never leave them alone with him and our oldest even asked that cameras be put into our home to "prove" that their dad was acting this way. An absolute nightmare of grand proportions. This book was like looking right threw his game and put everything I was experiencing from him and "his family" (esp his narcistic mother) into a crystal clear realization. I now have the tools I need to detach and drop the guilt/blame that the narcissist are so skilled at using. This author also helped me understand why I was attracted to him (and so many others like him) in the first place and even identify my own narcisitic and abusive mother. I now know where I need to work on myself to make sure the same mistake does not happen again. It also talks in depth about the effects the narcissists have on their children and the different ways they exploit them. I owe this author my deepest graditude for my, and my children's sanity. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK FOR ANYONE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND.

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Jenia Mundo, R.N.

Eleanor Payson has written a groundbreaking book on the dynamic, dysfunctional dance of codependency and narcissism. The information in this book has helped me reclaim myself and also start the process of going much deeper in healing my wounded child. I would highly recommend this book to anyone questioning their relationship with family, spouse, friends, boss, therapist, medical professional, etc...

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gained perspective

After reading many books in search of answers for a difficult relationship that lead to eventual divorce, I was finally able to understand it from another perspective, and now, am more conscious of these pervasive personalities in our society. As a former codependant, I realized the patterns of the NPD I was feeding. It's my belief that NPD people seek and cling to those who are naturally empathic, that ironically, they lack in themselves. They count on you, to empathize with them.

Of the many destructive characteristics besides the most prevalent: lack of empathy, I encountered his exploitive sense of entitlement, the grandiose thinking, envy, blaming yet not being able to admit to mistakes, manipulation and vengence, polarized emotion, and inability to maintain any long term relationships.

Sadly, I now appreciate that Narcissists cannot be reasoned with, and is better to ignore them. Thereby, removing the attention they so desire.

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Looking in the Mirror

I am a little over halfway through this book but I cannot believe how squarely the author has hit the nail on the head with this book. It's like looking in a mirror when I read through the scenarios, thoughts, feelings, and actions. I feel like someone wrote this book about me, only they've never met me. I hope to use this book to become less co-dependent and work through my relationship with a narcissistic husband.

Every day headlines are filled with examples of narcissistic individuals in positions of power who are nothing more than impostors plundering and wrecking havoc on the lives of others. From the corporate moguls of Enron and WorldCom to the clergy leaders of the Catholic Church, we daily encounter narcissists and the self-serving systems that enable them. Helping people reclaim their lives from this sinister exploitative force is the mission behind Payson's book, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family. Using simple metaphors from the American classic, The Wizard of Oz, Payson illustrates how Dorothy's journey captures all the seductive illusions and challenges that occur when we encounter the narcissist. Empowering the reader with the ABCs of unhealthy narcissism and the unique problems that occur when a person becomes involved with the narcissist, Payson gives step-by-step practical tools to identify, protect, and heal from these destructive relationships. Largely un-addressed in the psychology and self-help literature, this ground breaking book offers hope and help to those who have been drawn into these devastating relationships. She includes illuminating case studies that identify the problems that occur in the different types of relationships, from co-workers, to friends, to parents, to lovers. Readers employing these insights and skills will find new abilities to identify and protect against the narcissist's manipulations and take back control of their lives.

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